~Beautiful Fighter~

" I felt very fortunate to be together with everyone in 2008. "

she cried...

To us, those tears might mean nothing except for her being touched by everyone.

To her, those tears mean how much she has persevered and endured all these while.

Those tears were something beyond touch, beyond happiness, beyond relief, beyond everything we can think of now or at that time.

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I have known this girl for almost 10 years ago (9+years), she was plainly a normal and simple girl just like everyone else back then. she was allowed to express herself through her writing. I was impressed with her writing. Her works were quite simple yet mature in content. Those works were like something that happened every single day, every single moment in the area nearby to you.

She worked very hard in the beginning and soon she has completely won a number of supporters. She won numerous prizes and awards in ceremonies. She deserved every single things she has gotten. I thought those were encouragement to her at that moment but now I wouldn't think so anymore.

After gotten those awards, she strived even harder and make every single works of hers as perfect as possible. From her writing to music to cover. Every single details she could find.

I remembered she once said: "Those are my works and I have the responsibilities to check them not that I don't trust people but I would like to confirm it myself and make it as perfect as possible."

Yes, she said that and she did it for every single performances in the past and she is still doing it now.

from stage plans, stage lighting, stage movements, dance, music, costumes, flow to performers clothings (dancers and band) to normal staffs of the performances and etc, she confirmed everything herself and make it as perfect as possible.

All details have been confirmed and changed by her up to her standard and now her own performance. How could she let herself off? She went through numerous rehearsals with bands and dancers every single day even though she is packed with work.

Rehearsals are the most tiring thing. I guessed everyone agrees. It is always in the learning period everyone suffers and force to grow more than they should.

It's during rehearsals that we can actually see how each and everyone treats this upcoming performance. I know she treats it as important as her life.

Not all her performances were as perfect as she has expected. There were times when she injured herself and performance still continued even though there were some movements that were a litttle awkward or bad for her injury.

She once fell down from a 2 metre tall 2nd floor stage during the rehearsal and injured her ankle. It was right before her real performance at night. She went to the hospital and went back to the concert hall immediately despite warning from the doctor.

of course.. SHOW CONTINUED!

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I watched her 2007 - 2008 Countdown LIVE concert. It was her worst concert performance
I have ever seen. Probably the most disappointing I have ever watched. She was very emotional in the concert and she has that I am sorry I did not perform well look on her face. I thought she was sick that's why have such a performance.

I was correct, she was "sick".

I think I become very moody and emotional after hearing the news. I watched the concert again. This time round, I finally realize why she was so sad and emotional. From her facial expressions I know she felt how useless she was at that point of time for not bringing a good performance to her audience. Now I know why all these happened. I cried with her while watching the concert. I can't help it but I just cried.

I am seriously very proud of you. I have never felt so proud of you before. Even though your performance wasn't that great for the Concert BUT I understand your emotion and every single thing you want us to know. It is not your fault for the bad performance and it is not your fault for hiding from us. You have been brave all these while. Really brave. You have strived even harder than before to present us this concert.

ayumi hamasaki, you are just great! I am so proud of you!

Just like what you said, you have accepted the fact. I am trying very hard to accept the fact too.
By looking at you pressing so hard to your right ear earphone, I was so sad and hurt. I know alot of people has stated this but I just want to said again. "if only I can be your left ear."

give me sometime to get over it. I know you yourself have yet to get over it by you want us to get over it so you told us, you have accepted the fact.

ayu, I think you do not need to present us with your "brave front". I do not wish to see that. I know you suffer and endured too much. You are a human too. You can cry your heart out.

now I am starting to think that you broke up with Nagase because you know about your left ear back then and you think you are his burden. It may be this way but I don't know.

never mind about this.

ayu! continue to strive hard! I will definitely support you all the way!

Like what you said, you will only stop after your right ears stop functioning too. For me I will always be supporting you. No matter what!

You are the best! Ayu gogo!