fredy hates fredy

I am always wondering why is it so hard to be "fredy".

I mean being "fredy" has been the most difficult thing on earth.

I hate being "fredy". I really hate it.

Why?

If you were "fredy"...

You are bound to be said by many people.
You are bound to be commented by people.
You are bound to attract alot of unnecessary attention.
You are bound to have people hating you.
You are bound to be misunderstood by people.
You are bound to get all the rubbish from everyone.
You are bound to get scolding from the management when something is wrong.
You are bound to get all the blame/whatsoever when a decision is made wrongly (even though the decision may not be made by you)
You are bound to stay away from anyone.
You are bound to have no friends.
You are bound to choose between alot of stuffs.
You are bound to sacrifice alot of stuffs.
You are bound to be restricted by alot of people and stuffs.

There are alot more but I am just too tired to say it all out...

There are alot of times, I was very tired and sick of everything. I wanted to give up but I was pulled back by certain people.

Definitely, there will be people who doesn't like what you have done. I agree on that point. If people were to ask me to change my arrangement and commented on it, of course I do not feel happy about it but come to think of it, if the work can't be played at all, everything will need to be simplified in order to make it playable. No point clinging onto something that can't be played.

I am very tired by alot of stuffs. Seriously.

I have wanted to give up but certain people just drag me on and on. I am very tired. I really have lost interest in all these. I am serious.

Especially with recent stuffs, it just make me even more disappointed. I really think people don't even understand me at all. Even some people that I think they will , don't understand me too. Probably all these just add up from normal stuffs. People just doesn't like to hear truth, people just like to hear lies. Forever and ever it will be this way. Afterall we are human. I am taught to accept all the truth, no matter how bad I am. Definitely, there will be some points I would like to defend myself but now, I have learnt not to defend myself at all. No matter what I say, some people will think otherwise. I can't bring myself to explain anymore.

Since nobody can understand me. I see no point in defending. You can have all the bad impression about me and add them all up. I have learnt not to explain already. I am bound to make mistakes and everyone else is right. I am purely accepting every single thing I am hearing. I can only accept. Can I even say anything? Whatever I say will only make things worst right? When you have stubborn people or people who don't understand you a single bit. Nothing can be conveyed properly.

I am not putting as if I am right for everything, I am wrong for sure. I just want everyone who think I am wrong to re think, do you ever think you are correct in certain point? Don't you have too much of a personal issue with me that make you think certain thing that I do just irk you?

The recent rubbish for example, everyone just thought I am in the conflict but does anyone even go and think I am the victim too? Does anyone even spare a thought for me? Does anyone even go and think how much pressure I have to handle all these? Does anyone even go and think why I am trying to protect people even when I am a victim myself. Does anyone even know I am hurt too?

I also felt that I am just so dumb to help people who actually harm me. Sometimes, one bad thing enough to erase all the good things that you have done. Nobody will remember all the good stuffs, only more and more bad stuffs.

Seriously, I have enough... Nobody will really go and think for me. So what if I am hurt? Will you even care? No, you won't cause I am tyrant. I am someone who just deserve it. I am someone who just ought to be suffering.

Before all these, I want everyone to think carefully of everything I have done. Did I even harm you in any sense (definitely, I made you angry, I made you unhappy but harm you?).

I just need everyone to think of this point. Other than that, no need to. I am not asking for anything.

whoever that want to continue to misunderstand me. go ahead.

I got nothing to say already, as I know everything will in the end turn out to be my fault and I will be the head of all evil again.

Thank you for all these that everyone has given me.

Now I hope everyone can give up on me...

really.. please give up on me...

go ahead and hate me... since there are many out there who hated me like mad already.

everyone will be happier and safer when you are not with me. I seriously do not want anyone to be implicated by me. If you want to think I am fake by saying all these, please go ahead and think so...

I do not worth anything.

I personally hate being "fredy". So you should hate fredy too.

^^.

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fredy's thought:

I need you to be with me. to believe, trust and understand me. I just need you. Are you even there?