Thoughts of thoughts ~ for me ~

I blogged this post in an emotionally unstable mood. so words and sentences might be normal...

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For once, I found myself crying over a very stupid thing. An incident that caused everyone to be hurt. Maybe not all but majority. I cried on that day after I knew of the results. I couldn't believe it when I heard that. It was something I will never understand even up till this very moment when we have known of the reason for our "LOST".

I wonder what is the intention by this very guy. I am not sure of why. I don't know and I think I don't want to know and I don't wish to know why already. I have started to dislike him as a judge. If there is a judge of this sort in an adjudication team, I guess a lot of bands will be dead.

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I have not been in the right mood for quite a few days. yes...

fredy is really very tired... emotionally and physically...

... there are a lot of things.. i need to take care of... i seriously need a break from ALOT OF THINGS...

breathe... i need to breathe...

apparently, just like practices... everyone is tired... me too.. i am more tired than anyone of u but no matter what happen.. I don't have a choice to choose whether I want to come or not.. I can't skip a single practice...

when people don't come, I will be asked by conductors why this one not here.. why that one not here. worst... when attendance is bad... I will be the first one to be nagged at...

very tired le.. I need to release myself from all these...

I want to only care about the music side... I don't need to be in charged of the admin.. I don't need the power, I don't need to let people know I am the president of mssba..

I just want to focus on the music. I want to be better in music.. I want to know more about music. I want to further improve my skills...

seriously.. all I want is to play music well.... Being in the admin side of the committee, I will need to care about alot of the politics... seriously.. I don't like to involve so much in the politics side..

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fredy's thoughts:

When my skies turn dark and gloomy, where can I go to? Will there be a bright and clear sky for me? Will there be a face that smile and cheer me up? Will there be a person that can make the best mood out of me?

sometimes, looking at you is the only thing I can do, I don't want to disturb you, I don't want to make you angry, sad or whatsoever. Looking at you will be the only thing I can do.

Even though I maybe sad when there is no interaction at all but I would not ask for anything, I don't want to increase problems for you.

Staying close to you is all I can do when I see the emotional, angry and sad you. I may not help in anything but staying near you will be the best I can do.

I realize an empty promise usually is the thing that will hurt people the most. Promise can be made but only if you can do it. An empty promise really hurt ppl deeply.

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recently, I am not sure whether I am too sensitive or what... I just realized something.. most probably, I am over sensitive but I just still find it weird...

since only 5 ppl read this blog.. I shall just say what is the weird thing that make me feel i am over sensitive.

I sensed somebody keep on looking at me at some point of time, yesh... I sense the "stare" or I should say "look"... when I look at that direction, that somebody will just look away immediately.
So weird right? moreover that somebody is abit shy when talking to me... weird....

NEVER MIND.. maybe I am over sensitive..

TO GARRETT: NOT CAILE! haha.. STOP GOSSIPING! haha..

because of you and sean.. now waiyip, jia wei and saw.. basically whole section starts to say about caile and I...

.. getting more and more rubbish! haha.. Everything I do also will related to caile... or When I go somewhere near him.. sean will say.. come and look for caile ar? WHEN IN REAL FACT I am looking for Garrett! ........

shh.. dun gossip! haha

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