erupted ~repercussion~

wednesday... i was so angry during alumni band practice.

firstly, becoz I was damn angry about myself for being so useless on yesterday's pract (which is like few hours ago). I just screwed up like mad. From the very beginning till the very end. I screwed up like mad. This has never happened before (I mean with such MAX number of mistakes).

secondly, some people just don't know how to keep scores, only know how to get scores from me. Everytime we changed song, that same few people will come up to me and ask for scores. I was seriously very fed up with them. I will need to go and help them to find those scores. Very irritating.

thirdly, I find the band is way too loud, WHY the band just can't soften down? we can play loud... yes very loud... Loud is very irritating at times.. seriously.. soft can really bring out the emotion of the music. I guess we all need to learn how to play soft.

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I somehow expressed my unhappiness to the band yesterday. I was so angry yesterday that I seriously didn't know what I want to say the next moment. Everything was not phrased properly.

Those members who know me well, really know that I was angry. I was not pretending or trying to act angry, I was really angry. Only those who know me know I was. Ben Yap was so scared yesterday I would scold him too but I didn't. lucky ben yap. haha.

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I gave Jun Xiang his last warning yesterday, even I know he is very pressurized and whatsoever. I know it is not his fault for his bad playing. Every single section, there is seniors to guide. Every single section, the juniors can learn from their seniors better tone, technique or others BUT for him.. he can't. I know I was partly wrong cause I only aimed him yesterday and quite unfair to him (I actually forgotten about the others, stupid me). Actually quite unfair to him but no choice, I will need to do something. He will still need to be scolded for not practicing enough but I just can't actually blamed him for not able to correct alot of mistakes since there is no seniors to guide him along. I only started to have 1 to 1 sectional with him yesterday. I think with proper sectional, he can play better. Now, I can only say he is lousy cause he never practice enough at the same time, those seniors just never really appear for practice. So I will ask him to join perc for sectional or have more 1 to 1 session with him next time round. Seriously, I think he is so much more committed than a lot of people. There are just bunch of ppl who think they are that good, so they can don't come for pract, especially when it is very little ppl. Worst is just show face and go off. Jun Xiang is sad that he is the burden of the band, I know, he thinks that way. All I can say is I don't usually give up on people who are willing to learn (this is something Lin Sheng taught me), even though I always go for the best BUT in training I won't. I know who to cut, who not to cut. I know Jun Xiang always feel sad being alone but there is nothing I can do, we have been calling the trumpets but just... haiz.. It is ok, like what I said, I will have more 1 to 1 session with you. Don't give up! You have the right attitude! Must remember you LIKE BAND!

another thing.. jun xiang.. thanks for your "birthday present". ^^. Like it alot! ^^

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Alumni band's playing just getting worst I think...

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fredy's thought:

I am impressed with what I have seen in you and you can do it if you want to cause I always believe you will be able to do it. I will be here to support you whenever, wherever.

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when you lose someone's attention, what would you do? will you try whatever ways to get back that someone's attention even if that person is not looking at you or talking to you, you will just get some random things to make sure you get that person to look at you or do something for you? will you become quieter or not so much of yourself when the person is not around or further away from you and not giving you the attention? will you try to fit into the conversation even if the conversation does not involve you, just to get someone's attention? will you make sure someone is always in your sight range? will you go around or near someone just to make sure that someone knows about your presence? will you hope to stay longer around that person than to go to others?

there are so much more but will anyone truly go and think of why all these happens? Anyone actually thought of the reason? Will anyone go and analyze how much that person mean to you?

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