now ~over~

It is weird to see what I have done. Type down then Delete.. type and delete. Type and delete. I have been repeating this over and over. I am just not in the mood to write or do anything. I guess I don't really know how I should I start this. I just want to write down what I feel and convey what I want to say and my thoughts. It's hard but I try.

I was actually quite affected or I should say it brought me quite an impact when I know about this few days ago, even though this thing has happened since long long ago. It happens on somebody that I know (I guess only a few know who this person is). Let's name this person A.

I told A that I know about certain matter and A was somehow quite unprepared that I mentioned that during that time. A wasn't really very surprised about that, just unprepared, maybe that timing was wrong. I asked A why never tell me, A said he knew there will be people telling me this.

We were talking about that for quite a while when another person came near us. A actually said something to that person that made me think.

A said: " you should not go in any deeper, it will just hurt more."

That line, that few words. Simple yet very true. That's reality.

Coincidently, when I was watching some japanese shows and dramas for the past few days. I actually understand even more about that line.

The Guest of the show actually said something that others in show totally agree with. I understood and agreed totally.

She says Infatuation and Love are two total different matters. Both are like and what so different?

Infatuation is when one likes a person or mesmerized by a person. In Infatuation, one seriously like that person, the liking is strong and think that person is the one. One will actually want to be the same as the person. One will want to learn whatever things that person is learning, will want to be in where that person is in, will want to be as near and as similar with that person as possible. One will even likes everything about that person. No matter good or bad. Everything will be fine and glorified. One will never find anything faults about that person. One will also find whatever that person say or do is so correct and nice, especially things that person say or do or give to you, you will just feel it is better or is the best. In one's eyes, whatever the person does or says, it will be the best and perfect. One will also do whatever to attract or make sure the person notice. In most/majority of the cases, it is when one and the person are just normal friend or far from each other. Because it is hard to reach, one hardly see that person, yet one knows and likes the person. It will grow even more when one sees the person every single time. Infatuation is just like idolisation and that's how japanese idols are marketed. Due to the impossibility and the likes one already has the infatuation will perpetually increase until one fully known and understand over years. It is like liking an idol, one like that person because that person has certain qualities one likes or wishes to have. It is not love, it just liking blindly in an everything perfect environment.

I like how she put the Love part, I mean I find it very true. she actually asked the other guests and audience whether anyone has actually give or care or like a person knowing there will be nothing in return?

she said love is simple and true. Love is about giving, caring and liking a person without wanting something in return (I heard of this line in one of the japanese or korean dramas too). She mentioned an example about a mother. A mother will take care of her children and also family members without any reason. Mother will give their unconditional love, care and like towards the child/children and other family members. Mother has never expected the child or any other family members to give her anything in return but instead she will hope the child to be able to grow well, family members are all healthy. Or when you are sick, your parents will just take care of you, asking how you feel, whether you are fine. One will worry about this and that of that person, want the person to be well and others. It is just so simple, pure and true. It is all about giving for the other party. If you only want that person to love you back or notice you more, it will become infatuation or even worst not love.

I totally agreed with her when she said everything starts from heart. There is nothing called a person is perfect, whatever the person does is correct or even the person is the best one has ever seen. That's not called perfect it is just called you are avoiding it and bear with all the bad points, blinded. In love, it is about knowing each other good and bad points and eventually one will change for the other party to make everything as good as possible. With the Mother example again, mother will know her husband or child's bad points but instead of treating them as transparent, a mother will try her best to change and correct the bad points. It is all about knowing a person by heart, the person's character, habits and others. Give and care about a person just like normal or even without letting the person knows. It is so normal and comfortable that people take it for granted. One will even know next move from a simple move of the person just do or whatsoever. It is just very special, love is about giving. It is more like having an angel that will be there for you everytime, no matter near or far, the person will always be there.

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It is about there, can't remember too much, I can remember the infatuation part cause the person A told that line to is exactly in the "infatuation" period. Totally madness, I think has even reached a super uncontrollable situation.

I just like how she said about love. I really agreed it is about knowing a person and about giving and expect nothing in return.

It is a difficult decision for A since A might have been the one "giving" for so many years. It is a difficult and yet mature decision for A, it will hurt even more when everything goes deeper like what A says. fredy always believe as long as the person you like is happy and "XING FU", everything if fine, even though it will hurt. I guess A might have thought of that too. I am not sure how much A has put in but I only can say it is not easy. fredy really impressed with the thinking and the decision made by A. Of course, about A telling that person. fredy is totally impressed.

I think this thing does make fredy understands alot deeper. fredy learns a lot from this too.
fredy:
Only when you understand, you will cherish and only when you cherish, you will feel the pain, when you know the pain, you know it is over.

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誰かのため

少しの勇気が足りなくて
たった一言がいえなくて
あいしてると言いたかった
あいしてると言えなかった
だけど　それわ僕の最大のうそで
あり真実だったような気がする

サヨナラいつまでも色あせない人
サヨナラさえもうまく伝え切れずに
それはある

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